I want to preface this blog post by stating that this has been probably the hardest two years of my life. In the last two years, I have lost my footing, sort of a quarter life (and then some) crisis if you will. With that came the eruption of my old detrimental habits of binging that came to fill the void in my life. I’ve gained back all the weight that I previously loss and pretty much got myself back in the most debt that I’ve ever been. I’ve always had an addictive, all or nothing personality that acted as my crutch to accept my failed decisions. I stopped blogging for a little bit because I felt like a fraud, promoting these habits and techniques to “Lose Lose Win” when at home, I was hiding. Hiding behind my clothes, my expensive junk, and most recently my thoughts.
However, in 2020 fashion, COVID happened. Working in an emergency department during a global pandemic lit a fire under me because now, at this very point in history, I can’t hide. I can’t hide behind my mistakes. I can’t hide behind my facade. And I can’t hide behind my addictions. So with that, this is my last straw. I’m no longer going to allow my failures, expectations, and addictions dictate the decisions in my life. I want to take back the control and regain respect for myself to take care of ME. I’m so grateful to have the support system I have, and as much as COVID has altered the world’s life, it’s the best time to regroup and develop a stronger foundation for my choices. I’m posting it here. This is my current debt and I vow to do my absolute best to get this excess weight (figuratively, financially, and physically, all the “ly”s) out of my way.
Thank you to all my blog readers for your continued support. It’s going to be great blessing in my life to have you all part of my journey to self discovery and stability. All right, here we go.